This morning I had a difficult time getting out of bed. I didn’t sleep so well the night before, and I had to be at work pretty early this morning. Lethargically, I hit the snooze button a few times, slept for 15 more minutes, begin to gather clothes, and brush my teeth.
Suddenly, it hit me!
My pace changed; I felt my entire being go into acceleration. I’m grabbing random things and throwing them into my backpack, and tossing things over my shoulder. Running out the door barefoot and hopping into my car, I am overwhelmed with excitement. This is the moment . . . it’s finally here. All the courage it took to get here, and it’s time. I park my car outside the post office and run inside to use the machine to weigh my package and purchase a stamp. After it’s all said and done, the large envelope is released from my fingers and slides into the mailbox.
I have been very selective about who to tell my plans to, and until I receive a response, I will not even clarify exactly what I’m speaking of within this blog. A few of the people I turned to supported me beyond what I could have expected. It’s amazing to see how many people I have in my life that believe in me. Unfortunately, there were also a few who did not receive the news so well; mostly family members, which saddens me.
But at the end of the day, I realize that it really comes down to me believing in myself. More than that, believing in the Jesus that lives inside me. As I was filling out the very detailed and personal questions within the application, I began to question myself. When you fill out an application, there is this desire to create a persona in yourself that has it all together. Because basically you have to sell yourself. Why am I perfect for this occupational position? What do I plan to do with it? How am I qualified? There were a few places that I had to stop, close my eyes, and ask God, “What do I say?”
He said, “The truth.”
As I remained honest, I learned that there really are positive qualities in me that I don’t notice or pay attention to. I really am qualified, and I don’t have to make up reasons about why I should be. In places where I was asked to reveal my weaknesses, there was no shame. God has credited righteousness to me (Romans 4:23-25), so there is no place for shame. And I know I can do this, I really can.
I almost never apply to anything where there is a huge risk of rejection. At this point, I’ve done everything that I can do. It’s signed, sealed, and delivered. Even if I was turned away for some reason, that doesn’t make me less qualified or inadequate. It just means, there is another path for me to walk. There is something so inspiring about reaching for your dream. It makes you come alive, and realize this is what it’s about! I don’t want to just survive, I want to live.
I don’t want to survive.
I want to live.
So go do it! Never wait until tomorrow. There is so much more in trying and failing than never trying at all. And stop assuming you’re going to fail! I believe in you; and God does, too. I looked up the definition of apply and got several responses: “to make use of as relevant, suitable, or pertinent; to bring into action; use; employ; to use for or assign to a specific purpose”.
So, I encourage you today. Whatever this means for you, even if it’s not some huge leap of faith: