Tag Archives: forgiveness

Wings of Forgiveness

I intended to abandon this blog forever.  As well as my relationship with God.  But like a jealous lover, He pursued me as I came to end of myself and realized just how much I need Him.  There’s an entire story to that which I will elaborate later.

I tried to end this in a season of confusion, when my heart was broken and I was running away from Jesus.  Just a few months later, I came back to the cross, and it’s been a long season of healing and restoration since then.  Occasionally, I would look back at this blog and remember that this was my ministry.  I truly believe that many will be delivered through the word released from my online pulpit.  But I never knew how to get back into it after stopping the way I did.  Until a few nights ago, when Holy Spirit spoke to me by bringing to remembrance a scripture I once knew so well:

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift. (Matthew 5:23-4)

The place to begin is forgiveness.

Last year, I moved away, leaving everything I knew behind to pursue a higher calling I believed in.  When things didn’t go as I’d imagined, I didn’t know how to cope.  Suddenly, I found myself on a self-destructive path.  It was around this time last year, that a concerned friend spoke up about noticing something was off.  This friend was one of . . . if not the biggest supporter I had on my missionary journey to pursue my calling.  I was in a hurt place, and she was hurt seeing the destruction to which I gave myself.  We both responded out of hurt and ended up offending each other.  I never forgave her for that.

The past couple of months, I’ve sought the Lord about how to find my place in ministry again.  And I’ve felt stuck.  I thought the answer would be about revealing a grand assignment.  But I forget about the little things that matter in my walk with the Lord.  The things I take for granted.  It seems like such a tiny thing, an offense between me and another person.  But it matters to God.  It is poison..  A foothold for the devil (Eph 4:26) every time I give into it.  So I’m ready to let go so that He can release me into what it is that I seek.

I love you, and I’m sorry that I’ve held this offense against you for so long.  I believe that your heart was for me in that moment even though I was unable to receive that truth then.  I truly choose to no longer hold it against you, and humbly ask your forgiveness for holding contentions against you.  I really hope that we can really discuss what happened and move on.  You were always an amazing friend to me, and I’ve been blessed to have you in my life.  I regret that I ever kept you out of it.

“I’m only human.
Let’s shake free this gravity of resentment
And fly high, and fly high
You’re only human
Let’s shake free this gravity of judgment
And fly high on the wings of forgiveness.”
India Arie 

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Offenses

Lately, I have really been asking God to offend me. To offend my natural mind and challenge my pride. That I may not think of myself as higher than anyone else. Because everywhere I go, I see that kind of pride. The way I see people treat customer service workers every single day just amazes me. Those people behind the counter are people with feelings and thoughts. They are just as deserving of respect as you and me. Really, when it comes down to it, we are all on the same playing level. We are all sinners and fall short of God’s glory. I didn’t say that, the bible does (Rom 3:23). However, it also says, that in Christ, we have been credited righteousness (Rom 4:23-25). When I think of that, I remember my middle school days. I had done something that . . . let’s just say, I shouldn’t have done. When my classmates on the bus tattled on me to the bus driver, the bus driver refused to believe it. There was outstanding evidence that I had done what they said, but she insisted, “She would never do anything like that; she’s a good kid.” I think of God saying that to me. I was a good kid. Even though he knew what I had done, he called me a good kid. Now, that doesn’t give me the right to act up however I want. In fact, it has the opposite effect. When someone credits righteousness to me and I don’t deserve it, it makes me want to be better.

In the past few months, I encountered several offenses from friends. Last year, I learned for the first time, how to separate a person from the offense. If they get angry and call me all kinds of names that are disrespectful and possibly even hurtful, I can look at them and realize that something I did hurt them. They are responding out of hurt and not because something is wrong with me. So instead of getting angry back, I can respond with love and gentleness. Knowing that my identity is in Christ and not in my performance or others’ perception of me makes it okay for someone else to not be okay with me. My God is always okay with me, no matter what I do. I have compassion for the hurting person I offended, but I do not take up an offense.

Well, most of the time I don’t. Often I find myself becoming offended with strangers. Being cut off on the highway is most likely my main trigger. Still, I ask God to help me step back and recognize my pride. To offend me to the point of repentance. “Who are you, Che? That you have the right to get angry?” In a sense, it seems like a violation of my space, but I don’t own the road. Technically speaking, it does not belong to me. So why am I getting angry? And am I righteous in my own abilities? No! My good deeds are as filthy rags to him. Yet he still accepts me. That same righteousness he credited to me, He credits to others.

So offend me, Father, that I would not be offended.