I take punch after punch. Blow after blow. Taking the higher road. Forgiving and letting go. Yet I still am left being violated. What punishment does that person get while I am suffering day by day? It just does not seem fair. Daily, I receive undeserved attack. Sometimes from people who don’t know any better. Other times, people who are unhappy with their own lives decide to lash out at me. I have the hardest time accepting that people can hurt me when I do not feel like I did anything that asked for it.
There was a certain attack tonight that left me feeling helpless. I wanted to get so angry; I did not know what to do. All I could think of was what I could do to get revenge. I’m tired of taking, “the higher road.” The truth is, the secular idea of “taking the high road” is powerless. Because it is not rooted in God. There is no power; no justice in the mantra of being a better person. As I wept and wept, wondering how on earth I would be able to sleep tonight, this scripture was immediately placed on my heart:
“Blessed is the one
who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
or sit in the company of mockers,
but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
and who meditates on his law day and night.
That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
whatever they do prospers.” Psalm 1:1-3
I do not have to stoop to the level of my “enemies” in this life. My own worst enemy is myself. Am I willing to surrender to the lies other people attempt to place on me? What about the lies I tell myself? Do I have to act out of self-life and flesh in the form of revenge? Or can I take a road higher than the high road?
Honestly, trying to make myself feel okay is not life-giving. It is the Lord who satiates me like streams of water that never run dry. Delighting in Him will be the act that makes me fruitful.
God, I repent for trying to take on these attacks myself. I nail them to the cross. Because you already overcame them. The battle is not mine, but yours, oh God (2 Chron 20:15). I will delight in you because that is my calling.