This is definitely an accelerated environment. When you give yourself over to prayer and fasting for such long periods, things become clearer . . . Suddenly, it only takes a matter of days to weeks as opposed to taking months to years for me to realize some things:
- I don’t love God as much as I thought I did. Not that I didn’t love God; I just was not as wholeheartedly surrendered as much as I believed. When He touched those un-surrendered areas and asked me to let go, I became aware of where I did not love Him.
- Then, I realize that I’m not as together as I thought I was. I am a broken, yet prideful mess.
- Also, that really in myself, I can do nothing. Even though I say “Apart from You, I can do nothing,” I still sometimes believe in my own dead works. I still think I can cook it up.
Even my love for God. But it takes God to love God, especially when things get hard and He has to do some major heart surgery. Really, it’s like being locked in a padded room with Jesus as He holds up a mirror. You have to look at all the hideous things in yourself that you don’t want to see. But He shows us these things because He wants us to see how much more we need Him.
This is the beauty of intercession:
God is omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent. He has the power to do anything He wants, however He wants, whenever He wants. But what He wants is to have relationship with us.
God could simply wave His hand and make all our problems go away. He could simply blink His eyes and bring revival. But He wants us to feel His heart. He wants to share His burdens with us. He wants us to partner with Him in the things He wants to do.
How loving is that? He loves us so much that He wants to give us a role? He yearns to have that relationship with us. God, our Father, COVETS our love, affections, and attention. We were created to commune with Him. Created for Him by Him to be with Him. Who are we that He would use us? Our flesh wants us to believe that we did something to earn His affection. Even by accepting Him into our hearts as Lord, that is a choice we cannot make without His grace.
I mean, really . . . take a deep breath . . . do it again . . . even the air that you breathe . . . even the lungs inside you that have the capacity to hold oxygen are by His grace. Why? Because He delights in you. He even delights in your breathing. He delights in the voice your breath produces. How can He not be inclined to move at the sound of His child’s voice?
It is that knowledge and revelation that enables your lips to utter “God is good” when your heart is being chopped into a million little pieces in order to be reassembled by His hands. Jesus said, blessed are you when you are not offended by me. When you are in touch with this love, you are not offended. I admit that during this season, during this process, there were times I found myself offended. But it was because there was more I had to learn about the Father’s love.